I envy both of you and your poetic prowess. Keep it up.
I noticed that the meter of Endless Night is slightly inconsistent. That can be effective when done deliberately, as in the last line of the first quatrain. For example, “Yet I found nothing” would be more regular, but also more predictable, more sing-song like. I like what you did.
However, I think the second quatrain would benefit from more consistent meter. As a reader coming off the strong meter of the first quatrain, I get bogged down in the second one. “From above me” seems to be missing a syllable. In contrast, “it may never sail,” feels like it has far too many.
Alright, I rewrote the second stanza. It should read a lot better now. My native accent does subtly shift how I feel and hear the cadence though. (I'll delete my last comment so it doesn't take up space)
They surround me, all these walls Softly creeping—darkness falls No fair winds to tell my tale A broken ship, may never sail
Y'all stop giving me motivation . Ok..I made one randomly lol ; THE ONES TO EXTINGUISH : Eyes they don't trust Eyes that they used to hate. The one they left outcast The one to efface.
. Ok..I made one randomly lol ; 