掲示板 Forums - Story Corner! (o^ω^)o

So, you probably haven't watched Free Guy, but this is kinda scarily similar You should definitely watch it sometime because it could probably help you develop this game

That aside, I absolutely love the concept. It might be an interesting addition to the lore if some NPCs had discovered glitches in the past that teleported them to some kind of abyss that deleted them from the game that could give glitches a more potentially dangerous reputation and maybe even lead to some fascinating discoveries about the "abyss" (which could just be past the game border or something. It's your game, do whatever you want with it lol )

I had a story in here for about ten minutes but I got nervous and deleted it

I do really want an opinion on it though so should I put it back up?

okay!

This is a story I made up on a whim, and I just chose random names for kingdoms and cities. The story is called Mao right now but I probably going to add something to it.

Thie excerpt you see before you is basically the introduction of the first chapter from my notes app. I'm writing this for fun and I'm literally making the plot up as I go

I also might make a lot of grammar errors because my writing style is weird. I also know that plot is kinda fast paced and choppy, i don't do rough drafts I literally just read the story over and over and keep changing it to sound better every time because its for fun

Anyways, I would just like an honest opinion.it's a bit long but hope you like it

In a mountain village off to east Rainna, there was a fifteen year old girl named Mao. Mao was a relatively pretty girl, black hair, brown eyes, and a scent of lavender always hanging around her. She was normal, if you could look past her ugly scars, racing up and down her arms like fireworks. People tended to avoid Mao. Her scars unnerved them, they would whisper to each other.

Mao was also the only remaining survivor from a plague. She was the herbalist's daughter, and the one of the 3 people who knew medicine in the village. Thankfully, there was a single caretaker willing to watch Mao. Her name is Hana. Of course, Mao still does things that scare her. When she was five, Mao liked to sit at the well behind her house and use her powers. The scars would glow green, red, blue, and little Mao thought it looked beautiful. Sadly, a villager saw her, and the poor guy though he saw a ghost. Hana never let Mao hear the end of it, as she had to cover the whole thing up and teach Mao yet another lesson that should have to go unspoken.

Mao's village was picture perfect, and so were the citizens. It was a virtuous village, and everybody lived in harmony. The cleanliness might catch your eye, the mountains- probably, and you might even notice the birds and animals singing and playing. In essence, everybody who lived here considered the village to be perfect. As every story goes though, there is a shadow to the light. Mao was cast out, off to the side. The small thorns to a perfect rose, you might say. Not that she was bothered by their distrust anyway.

If you think to check on Mao in the dead of night (nobody does), it would look beautiful outside. Stars blanketing the sky, a silence stretching across the view and a dark blackness to taste. You wouldn't notice this, of course. You would probably be deathly afraid of the sight of Mao talking to ghosts.

Now, Mao isn't superstitious, and she certainly wasn't talking to ghosts. She was playing with her scars again. You see, Mao can make ice. How upsetting for her. This means Mao will probably be sent to the capital of Rainna, known as Cloud. This is where girls like Mao go to either get the powers beaten out of her (if she refuses their request), or where she can become a prudent (a corny name for a power student) and eventually become the Cloud government's pet. Also unfortunately for Mao, she does not want to be a prudent. She wants to be a herbalist. Naturally, she doesn't want her powers beaten out of her either. So, Mao will continue to be a simple girl, living life unnoticed. At least, that's what she told herself.

the ending was kinda dramatic but with good reason

thanks if you read the whole thing

I love all y’all’s stories it’s always nice to read other peoples ideas and such, and see how other people think about the world.

I want to write a story but it’s so hard to put pen to paper but before I do I need more characters and it would help if anyone here gave me some ideas

So the plot: the main character lives in a walled city where she goes to school, studies, sleeps and repeats every day. It’s pretty boring. But everyone is “perfect” and she has to pretend she is too even though she is “defected”. Basically defected people are just different, mostly have weird powers or mutations that regular people don’t. So the main character gets random visions of other people’s past when she comes into contact with them (I think I haven’t thought too much about it.) But one day she lets her ability slip and gets caught as a defect, then gets sent outside the city walls to where all the other defects are. Also the main antagonist is like a psychopathic lady who despises defects and was the one who created the wall and the stereotypes of evil defects.

I need more ideas of the defects that the girl lives with, I already have one which is hazel, who can mind read and is evil but for good reasons. If you have any ideas, I would like a name, the gender, their defect (or maybe they’re perfect) and maybe a bit of information. Thanks for anyone’s ideas

I will make my story too but I dont think its ready to be read yet

Share it

Ok! I will do my best!